I am a Nobody; therefore I am a Somebody

Something seemed to be missing...I was unable to put into words my thoughts or belief.

Studying abroad in Italy , I experienced the world the way I wanted to. I learned to express myself freely. However, it wasn't untill January 2009 that i discovered my grey area of uncertainity. Working at a care center in Sowto Township, I felt right at home.

we live in a world/society where many people are programmed, but I learned that we need not to be. So you say? Sure do! I am a 5'2 nobody that has been blessed with a voice, I hold more power than Hilary Clinton.

I am Rooj and I will continue to pursue what i believe in and i will make a difference.

Working with children in S.A. paved the road to my self discovery. i learned a lot about who i am and what i can offer. Although i don't have a doctorate degree i know my capabilities are endless. I know that just because I am not a doctor, I still can help this child battling HIV/AIDS. I am unable to cure this infectious disease but i am able to share their story with others and provide support, guidence, belief, and most importantly, love I am their backbone.

Support is a toughy, we all need support in every little thing we do because of reassurance. here's a little story. I believed in raising awareness , but i was surrounded with people who didn't think i should focus on that at the moment, live life they would say. i was reassure them that i did. why couldnt i bring the two together? it seemed so out of this world to many people espesially ones my age. . I didn't expect my family or friends to share my belief or even viewpoint, but i expected them to support me because I was passionate about this. Even if it were doing little things, listening for example or showing up at an IC screening/event. I wanted them to do it because I am family and a friend. But unfortunately, i didn't have that, i felt alone,useless, and powerless.

I look back now and laugh because I have come so far from that. During that time it was most important to me that i gain their support, not only because i wanted them to believe in me but because i wanted people to feel the same way. I wanted to be surrounded with likemided people. I wanted to believe that they see it too. When you believe in something so much and hold a strong belief and passion for change but are not surrounded with people that believe in you or support you. That, that to me was one of the hardest things to overcome.
Not having support or acceptance from parents, friends or etc is challenging, putting you down and sometimes giving up. I took community for granted and I shouldn't have but S.A. allowed me to realize how much importance it holds in life and although you might not see it now i know you will. Community is key and because of this, i have acquired the confdience, knowledge, and desire to continue to help people.

I want to give a gift to the youth. I want to do what IC did to me., they held my hand and took me on an emotional roller coaster that i wasn't ready for.

I want to tell the youth and i want to show them. I want to lock their programmed minds and open the possibilites that exisit within their minds. With encouragement, support and love, they will learn how much power they hold.
I want to share with the rest of the world espessially the youth of america what i have come to learn that they may not yet know. And for those who have invested in this purpose, I want you to know that I believe in you and IC believes in you. No matter how simple or large, high or low your action and position may be you are making a positive impact in the world and together we are becoming stronger and closer.

I want to be a roadie because i want to unravel the revolutionary story and bring it to the hearts of our youth.. I get butterflies 'till this day everytime i hear about IC. The organization amazes me and inspires me, and Laren, Jared, and Bobby are the most inspirtational figures i have come to know. i hope to provide the youth what IC gave to me, butterflies in their tummies. I want to stimulate the youth and provide encouragement and support. The power of our voices, minds, actions, and imaginations will bring this war to an end. It will be invigorating, upbeat and fun.

A 5'2 nobody, an aspiring somebody, A somebody because I can be related to. . I want to show the children, adolescents, and adults that we can all work together. I want inspire them to journey inward for an exciting travel adventure. You and me, me and you, us and them, we will bring this long lasting war in Africa to an end. I hope they too see the beauty in ending this long lasting war

Bars/Coffeehouses :
   Manhattan:

• Stumpdown
• 18 W 29th Street 5 pm

• 17 Bleecker, West Village closes at 11pm
• 17 Bleecker St., New York, NY 10012

• Southside Coffee

• Crumbs, West Village

• Sweet Revenge, West Village

• Ninth Street Espresso, East Village

• 71 Irving Place Coffee & Tea Bar, Gramercy Park
  Between 18th and 19th Streets

Brooklyn area

• Char No. 4, Brooklyn Cuisine: BBQ, Southern/Soul

• Ella Café,  Williamsburg, Brooklyn

• Esperanto Cafe, west village
• Gimme!Coffee, Williamsburg, Brooklyn

• The Rabbithole Williamsburg, Brooklyn

• Bittersweet, Brooklyn. 7 pm

• Blackbird Parlour, Williamsburg, Brooklyn

• BoneShakers, Brooklyn.  7am-10pm M-F
• Vegetarian, sandwiches, salads/ coffeeshop

• Tiny Cup, Brooklyn

• Verb Café, Brooklyn.
• Mon-Fri, 7am-11:30pm

• Society Coffee Lounge, Harlem

• Bar Reis
• 375 Fifth Ave., nr 6th St., Park Slope, Brooklyn

• Cake Shop
• 152 Ludlow St., nr. Stanton St.

• Happy Ending
•   302 Broome St., nr. Forsythe St

• Music Hall of Williamsburg
• 66 N. 6th St., nr. Wythe Ave., Williamsburg, Brooklyn;

• Royal Oak
• 594 Union Ave., at Richardson St., Williamsburg, Brooklyn;

• Penny Licks, Brooklyn
• Bakery, ice cream, vegan options, Coffee shop. 12pm-11pm Sat-Sun: 12pm-12am

• Pheobes Café, Brooklyn
• Mon-Fri 8am-8pm

• Supercore Café, Brooklyn
• Mon-Fri 8:30am-2am,  more of a bar type place.

Restaurants that are $$$

• Graffiti Food & Wine Bar, East Village
• 5 Ninth in the Meatpacking District—
• La Esquina, Soho
• Bobo, west village, Cuisine: French
• Commerce,Neighborhood west village Cuisine: American Nouveau
• Le cirque: Midtown East Cuisine: French

Restaurants  that are Less expensive,

• Alexandra, west village Cuisine: American Traditional

• Bridge café: Financial district,  Hidden, quiet place under Brooklyn bridge. America, new

• Elizabetg, Neighborhood: Nolita Cuisine: American Good for, when the weather is great, nice seating outside, dinner late night and in the mood for American.

• Spuntino, Lower east side, Cuisine: Italian

• Macao Trading Co., TriBeCa, Category: Asian Fusion
• Shack Shack ( burger joint)
• the Waverly hotel, west village. Cuisine: American Traditional
• Gottino ( gastropub)
• Kefi, Upper west side. Cuisine: Greek
• The Harrison, Tribeca, Cuisine American
• Boqueria, Soho, Cuisine: Spanish/Tapas
• Inside Park at St. Bart's. Midtown East, Cuisine: American Nouveau, American Traditional
• Gramercy Tavern, Neighborhood: Flatiron. Cuisine; American
• 10 Downing Food and wine, West Village Cuisine: American Nouveau, Mediterranean
• Annisa, west village, Cuisine: American Nouveau
• Marinella Restaurant, west village, Cuisine: Italian
• The little owl Cuisine , west village Cuisine: American Nouveau, Mediterranean (burger joint)
• Artichoke Basille's Pizza & Brewery, East Village Cuisine: Italian, Pizza
• Smith and mill, TriBeCa,. Cuisine: American cash only/limited hours.
• Kingswood, West village. Cuisine: Australian, Eclectic/Global, Gastropub
• Five Napkin Burger: Theater District, Hell's Kitchen. Noted as best burger for 2009

Cafes/ Quick bites

• Shopsins( breakfast choice)
• The New French (brunch)
• Sant Ambroeous: West village. Cuisine: Italian
• Brown Café, Lower east side.
• Sfoglia, upper east side. Cuisine: Cafes, Italian

Coffee shops:

• The Rabbithole(coffeeshop)
• Wombat(coffeeshop)
• Blackbird parlour (coffeeshop)
• Esperento (coffeeshop)
• Grounded (coffeeshop)
• The bean coffee and tea (coffeeshop)
• Roasting Plant
• Doma, west village
• The Bean Coffee and Tea, Sunset Park. (open late)
• Birthbath, West village Type: Gourmet Marketplace

Great for pizzas

• Kesté Pizza & Vino, west village.
• Di fara Pizza, Brooklyn Cuisine: Pizza

Cafes/desserts:

• The General Greene
• Momofuku Bakery and milk bar
• Chikalicious
• The john dory
• Inside park @ St. BartS.
• Corton -->order the the caramel brioche
• Cafe Boulud
• Gilt-> order the toasted-hazelnut-ricotta panna cotta.

Today was a pretty day Autumn comes with These slight surprises where your life might twist and turn Hope to unlearn Strange things will happen If you let them come around and stick around -The Radio Dept.

told you they are amazing.. check this out

BBC NEWS | Africa | Campaign for Uganda's child soldiers

don't speak to me.

Here I am disappointed at my disgusting body all the time yet children barely get to survive from lack of food or water. What am I complaining about my body? I have a roof. I have water. I have clothes. I have my needs met why am I complaining? Am I complaining? Is it wrong to? Every time I have thoughts that rush through my mind, its as though I have two people living in my brain. One that continues to think things I really feel and the other constantly trying to fight it. “STOP THINKING THAT WAY YOU ARE RIDICULOUS. THAT IS SELFISH OF YOU TO THINK THAT WAY. STOP BEING SO DRAMATIC.” I listen, quickly brushing it off with a smile.
My thoughts speak pretty loud, which has led me to imagine that there are two little people living in my brain. Always winning the battle, I introduce u to little man . He is filled with negativity.. the other is little, constantly trying to yell and fight but hardly defeating. I tell myself it’s okay it happens, everyone experiences negative self-talk but is it a continual battle? I need to stop over analyzing every little thing. Smile and breathe.


I don’t know why but I just am not happy and I really don’t know why. I just I don’t know I want to go out and feel so happy but nothing brings real true happiness to me. Nothing. I think I keep myself busy so I don’t have those days where I just sit and think and analyze how shitty my life is.
I have family and friends that love me im so lucky. But its just I don’t know my friends honestly I don’t even know I don’t know how to explain it. I don’t have much of a social life not because I don’t have friends but because I don’t ever want to do anything. Not meaning ohh I want to party I don’t really care for that. But it’s honestly like even for like dinner or a movie I end up just wanting to go home because im just not in the mood. But if I do end up going out its always with a friend whose become like family with everyone which should be a really good thing that she’s become family but just hanging out with her brings me a lot of stress .. maybe im giving myself excuses…I feel like im pushing everyone away, for a while I know I did. But I have gotten better at handling situations. A few days ago I didn’t want to see anybody I wasn’t in the mood for anyone all I wanted was my room and yell in a dark room. Every time I make new friends and every time someone wants to hang out I find myself giving excuses because I feel like I have to Its so weird, not because I have plans but it just stresses me out .. I don’tt want to feel uncomfortable so I say ok well see well figure it out? Figure what out I have no idea I complicate things too much I know. Its so stupid but I don’t know why. I am just in a bad mood all the time when im home but its because I just want a few hours alone with anyone bothering me just in a room where I can sit and write in my journal read a book but even then I get too overwhelmed and end up doing nothing except stressing myself out and I don’t even know what I stress about.


Im in bed now, and I can’t sleep and im asking myself what’s keeping you up? What are you thinking about? Honestly I have no idea. Im just like ugh over it over stupid things over the way I am I am just over it its so stupid like really. I need to get myself together; I need to stop picking my hair. I find myself ALWAYS going back it takes one little thing to strike me to pick and then bam a pile of hair. Every evening, you’d think I had gotten a trim or something. It’s ridiculous life’s shitty, why? Why is LIFE SO SHITTY ROOJ bc you keep telling yourself its shitty if you say your happy you will be happy. I remember in south Africa, I was confused too I was just at a confused state then, now im just l like flustered. I don’t know, again of course I locked my keys in the car. I lost my phone. When’s it all going to stop? I learned to listen to your body and its taught me a lot to relax to try to do yoga yaw ya but you know that’s not going to happen I don’t have time and I don’t want to do it. The thought of it just stresses me out its so weird like right now thinking of doing yoga just gets me so nervous because I am afraid ill just suck and just give up.
What am I going to do? I don’t know I find myself pondering about my future a lot, about what ill be doing? Will I even find a job? What will I be doing? Will I be happy? I forgot how it is to be at a real job? I don’t know im afraid I dot want to work in an office its just not me. Maybe it is I haven’t even given it a try, but im scared I don’t want to start page one again I don’t want the real world I do but I don’t I do but im afraid of failure so much. If eel like im going to suck at what im going to end up doing whatever it is I have NO IDEA. I majored in marketing but I feel like I know nothing. I really don’t. I look at people around me with all these projects they have done and all these things and im like yeah I’ve done nothing. I don’t know anything. How can I go to the real world without knowledge? I feel like I learned nothing @ Marymount absolutely nothing no joke. I really don’t know anything. The way I talk the way I write everything I feel like I am a maybe a 9th grade high school student. How am I graduating with such little knowledge, I don’t even know. I suck at everything I suck at studying I suck at remembering I suck at losing weight I suck at being happy I suck at being me. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I really don’t, I want to cry and just smile and be happy not because I say I am happy but that smile that comes from deep down n your heart that smile that you know everything is okay everything will be okay and everything is fine. I love volunteering it time away from myself; I don’t even know if that makes sense. But it is its just I forget about my nonsense worries and I focus on others.


I wonder is my mom is even really happy? Or even my sisters? Maybe we’re all just not happy? So maybe it’s not just me? I guess I won’t know. Maybe we’re all happy and I am just being stupid. Maybe I am happy but am annoyed and angry that I am so flustered all the time I don’t want to stare blankely at peoples faces anymore. I want to listen to them and give them the advice they are hoping for. I don’t want to just stare and think about how I need to fix myself sometimes. Im just confused and asihflaskjdhfal is am just ugh I wish there was this like a device I could put into my brain to really explain my feelings my thoughts because no words can describe my thoughts and feelings I feel like I am always in battle with my mind. It’s annoying I need to stop saying life sucks. Life really doesn’t. How can you say that? Just breathe and smile. I know tomorrow will be a better day.

cog practices

·      I blankly stare at the person talking to me; they speak to me so deeply, searching for advice that I can share. I continue to stare Blankley. I have gotten so good at pretending to listen, I want to listen, but I am just not there.

·      It is hard to focus.

·      I lose track of what I am doing, and I forget things.

·      I am thinking of the million and one things I need to be doing. How can I be sitting down now. Too many things to do such little time, but I also want to just sleep.

·      I want to go back to  bed. Often I don't sleep well, so I want to take advantage of the days I do.. I want to sleep forever when I am able to sleep.

·      Things didn’t go as planned

·      I got angry.

·      Sometimes I become quiet sometimes I burst into anger, but when things don’t go right I usually respond with anger like today because I am irritated and frustrated why did it not go right why did it not go as I have planned? It’s annoying and I feel like the whole schedule is messed up now.

·      I feel distant. 

·      I get so angry with myself. Why are you so dramatic? Just calm down. Nothing is wrong live your life, life is beautiful enjoy it stop being so annoying.

·      I pulled my hair over and over again

·      I want to scream yell and shout.

·      I close my eyes and pretend. I pretend I am someone else. I pretend I live in a different world where my regrets are none, where I live freely without the tick tock noise. I want the concept of time to just go away.

·      I feel as though I bring negative energy and worry my sisters feel that way if I am there

·      I’m bothered even more when it was confirmed she’s trying to help me but now its even worse for me its not like I can just open up to them..

·      I want to do it all- I find myself thinking about the future a lot and getting scared and nervous yet I dream about this perfect life I will eventually have. I think I dream it because I am so afraid of it not happening. I have planned what I want to be doing, it needs to work it must work, it’s the only way to a successful life.

·      Nothing fits

·      I need to lose weight

·      thin make me happy.

·      You can look good in anything and everyting when your thin. I feel better