http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/10/dining/10coffee.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1
the map:
http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2010/03/09/dining/20100309-new-york-coffee-map.html
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Saturday, October 2, 2010
some interesting incoming news.
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/02/world/middleeast/02actress.html?ref=world
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/09/10/this-is-how-the-media-wor_n_712229.ht
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/02/world/middleeast/02mideast.html?ref=world
http://www.guardian.co.uk/news/datablog/2010/jun/15/refugee-statistics-unhcr
http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/sarah-boseley-global-health/2010/sep/30/aids-drugs
http://www.guardian.co.uk/global-development/poverty-matters/2010/sep/30/millennium-development-goals-cuba
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-11456894
http://edition.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/africa/09/24/congo.un.rape.report/index.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/09/10/this-is-how-the-media-wor_n_712229.ht
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/02/world/middleeast/02mideast.html?ref=world
http://www.guardian.co.uk/news/datablog/2010/jun/15/refugee-statistics-unhcr
http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/sarah-boseley-global-health/2010/sep/30/aids-drugs
http://www.guardian.co.uk/global-development/poverty-matters/2010/sep/30/millennium-development-goals-cuba
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-11456894
http://edition.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/africa/09/24/congo.un.rape.report/index.html
Monday, September 20, 2010
An overbearing concept: change is inevitable
To be happy in a chapter in my life was a great thing, but with it comes the pressure to find that happiness again when a new chapter begins. After college I cried and cried. I decided that I didn't want anything about my life to change and that I would never find the security of the place that I was being forced to leave. Luckily, most of my friends were feeling the same anxieties about starting over.
It is never good to cling to the past because the future, although daunting at times, is always waiting for you to one moment at a time. Friends come and go, you will change (believe it or not), but experiences last forever. Before you know it, another " open door" will be dangling in front of you. While you might approach it with the same curiosity, you will have less fear.
" This future never shows up because we are always at the present moment. We need to learn how to enjoy the moment just the way it is at this moment and now. It is what it is. Leave the life alone. Accept the moment the way it is and imagine this is exactly what your soul asked and designed it. This is exactly what you asked for. When we say accepting, that does not mean accept any wrong doing or malfunction in the life just the way it is. For example as driving if your car falls into a huge puddle and your are stuck, you would not say oh well I will accept it and will not take any action. At that time the acceptance means “No judgment”. Do not allow your mind to take charge to judge the incident. No thinking and judging whatsoever. Accept what happened totally. Then when there is no judgment, the right solution will come from within spontaneously. You don’t know how it came but our conscious will be in charge and show us the way rather than our imperfect chattering and judging mind. So just Accept then Take Action. Accept, Take Action. Accept, Take action."
"
It is never good to cling to the past because the future, although daunting at times, is always waiting for you to one moment at a time. Friends come and go, you will change (believe it or not), but experiences last forever. Before you know it, another " open door" will be dangling in front of you. While you might approach it with the same curiosity, you will have less fear.
" This future never shows up because we are always at the present moment. We need to learn how to enjoy the moment just the way it is at this moment and now. It is what it is. Leave the life alone. Accept the moment the way it is and imagine this is exactly what your soul asked and designed it. This is exactly what you asked for. When we say accepting, that does not mean accept any wrong doing or malfunction in the life just the way it is. For example as driving if your car falls into a huge puddle and your are stuck, you would not say oh well I will accept it and will not take any action. At that time the acceptance means “No judgment”. Do not allow your mind to take charge to judge the incident. No thinking and judging whatsoever. Accept what happened totally. Then when there is no judgment, the right solution will come from within spontaneously. You don’t know how it came but our conscious will be in charge and show us the way rather than our imperfect chattering and judging mind. So just Accept then Take Action. Accept, Take Action. Accept, Take action."
"
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Poetry: none other than my beloved Rumi
My worst habit is I get so tired of winter
I become a torture to those I’m with.
If you’re not here, nothing grows.
I lack clarity. My words
tangle and knot up.
How to cure bad water? Send it back to the river.
How to cure bad habits? Send me back to you.
When water gets caught in habitual whirlpools,
dig a way out through the bottom
to the ocean. There is a secret medicine
given only to those who hurt so hard
they can’t hope.
The hopers would feel slighted if they knew.
Look as long as you can at the friend you love,
no matter whether that friend is moving away from you
or coming back to you.
__________________________
Do you think I know what I am doing?
That for one breath or half-breath I belong to myself?
As much as a pen knows what it’s writing,
or the ball can guess where its going next.
I become a torture to those I’m with.
If you’re not here, nothing grows.
I lack clarity. My words
tangle and knot up.
How to cure bad water? Send it back to the river.
How to cure bad habits? Send me back to you.
When water gets caught in habitual whirlpools,
dig a way out through the bottom
to the ocean. There is a secret medicine
given only to those who hurt so hard
they can’t hope.
The hopers would feel slighted if they knew.
Look as long as you can at the friend you love,
no matter whether that friend is moving away from you
or coming back to you.
__________________________
Do you think I know what I am doing?
That for one breath or half-breath I belong to myself?
As much as a pen knows what it’s writing,
or the ball can guess where its going next.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
sunshine.
A long time ago, things got broken here. People got sad and left. Maybe the world breaks on purpose so we can have work to do."
“Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts.” -Albert Einstein
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjNVhoWqSWY&feature=player_embedded
Trouble:
"Here is a revolutionary practice everyone should try: Take a bill from your wallet, think of all the things you could buy and then calmly set it on fire. Smell the burning paper, pay attention to your emotions and meditate on where money goes when it is destroyed."
“Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts.” -Albert Einstein
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjNVhoWqSWY&feature=player_embedded
Trouble:
"Here is a revolutionary practice everyone should try: Take a bill from your wallet, think of all the things you could buy and then calmly set it on fire. Smell the burning paper, pay attention to your emotions and meditate on where money goes when it is destroyed."
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
the lion doesn't attack the elephant, it attacks the baby zebra with a limp."
I am dedicating this post on sexual harassment… It’s been on my mind for to long to keep quite anymore. I’d just like to understand and maybe gather some opinions from others about this topic. So here it goes, is there a real problem in this beautiful city that I have fallen in love with regarding the harassment of women? Wait, let me answer that, damn right there is.
I love Cairo, but I am ashamed for Egypt and Egyptians at the treatment, especially verbal, that some women get here. I have not been here for to long, about 3 months, but I have already been a victim of this. I am an Arab American and I am somewhat fluent in Arabic so I can hear all the disgusting vulgarity, all the crudity, and all the ignorance if I am typical Arab looking and continue to get harassed I can only imagine how the tall, white blond girl must feel.
I am typical Arab looking; short, with long black hair, brown eyes and brown skin. I dress conservatively and walk with a determined stride, in fact people often tell me I’m on a mission, I walk with attitude, not to fast and not to slow. Why am I a victim?
I have not researched on women harassment in Egypt so I don’t have prior knowledge on its history and what the government has previously done to address this issue. But I find it ironic, if not entirely surprising, that obviously nothing serious has been done about the sexual harassment of women. Why is it that so little is done to address harassment? Egyptian woman are not speaking up and society at large aren’t acting because the police themselves are imposing these same sickening values.
I know there are many strategies a woman needs to consider doing; she must avoid walking alone, eye contact, walking to quickly, talking on her phone and etc. But even then I feel that it’s not enough. I feel outraged that women have to face treatment that’s so vile. I am disgusted because a female friend of mine has gotten sexually harassed in front of many people and not one single person was willing to help and jump in. What happened to community? What happened to brotherhood/sisterhood? What happened to Islam? These harassers would stake their all for their sisters and their mothers and if someone did that to their sisters/mothers, the guy would be dead. So why in god’s earth are these same harassers harassing other women?
Islam is not just about praying, fasting, and saying you believe in god. Islam is all about the way you treat people. It’s a way of life it teaches you how to deal with people and how to act. It’s part of Islam to not treat people in a way we wish not to be treated. They have abused Islam. I leave you with a couple questions, how did sexual harassment become so popular? What is the solution? And is there a “cure”?
I love Cairo, but I am ashamed for Egypt and Egyptians at the treatment, especially verbal, that some women get here. I have not been here for to long, about 3 months, but I have already been a victim of this. I am an Arab American and I am somewhat fluent in Arabic so I can hear all the disgusting vulgarity, all the crudity, and all the ignorance if I am typical Arab looking and continue to get harassed I can only imagine how the tall, white blond girl must feel.
I am typical Arab looking; short, with long black hair, brown eyes and brown skin. I dress conservatively and walk with a determined stride, in fact people often tell me I’m on a mission, I walk with attitude, not to fast and not to slow. Why am I a victim?
I have not researched on women harassment in Egypt so I don’t have prior knowledge on its history and what the government has previously done to address this issue. But I find it ironic, if not entirely surprising, that obviously nothing serious has been done about the sexual harassment of women. Why is it that so little is done to address harassment? Egyptian woman are not speaking up and society at large aren’t acting because the police themselves are imposing these same sickening values.
I know there are many strategies a woman needs to consider doing; she must avoid walking alone, eye contact, walking to quickly, talking on her phone and etc. But even then I feel that it’s not enough. I feel outraged that women have to face treatment that’s so vile. I am disgusted because a female friend of mine has gotten sexually harassed in front of many people and not one single person was willing to help and jump in. What happened to community? What happened to brotherhood/sisterhood? What happened to Islam? These harassers would stake their all for their sisters and their mothers and if someone did that to their sisters/mothers, the guy would be dead. So why in god’s earth are these same harassers harassing other women?
Islam is not just about praying, fasting, and saying you believe in god. Islam is all about the way you treat people. It’s a way of life it teaches you how to deal with people and how to act. It’s part of Islam to not treat people in a way we wish not to be treated. They have abused Islam. I leave you with a couple questions, how did sexual harassment become so popular? What is the solution? And is there a “cure”?
Sunday, August 29, 2010
identity complex.
Im feeling guilty. I don’t “want” to be more Arab than American. I don’t have to want this, or try to do this, because I am both. I was born in the US. I am still Arab. Patriotism in fact does demand subordinance when the country you are supposed to pledge your allegiance to was built on a foundation of white European supremacy. Acceptance in American society has always depended on full assimilation at the expense of immigrants and resulting in the loss of culture. I’m confused as to why the loss of culture and so many of the things that make people special and different could be seen as a good thing; even American mythology (not necessarily practice) says that our nation is great because of all these diverse and beautiful cultural influences.
Monday, August 23, 2010
To be Vegan or not to be.. that is the question!
I Have spend months trying to figure out what caused my constant stomach bloating and nausea. You know if i actually listen to my body, I am sure I will know what's wrong. I know dairy bothers my stomach but I refuse to listen. I always had an extremely sensitive stomach and I constantly have stomachaches. I know if I can go vegan my problems will vanish. I know most my problems come ffrom the poor food im allowing to enter into my body. I just can't seem to listen and go vegan. Why? I feel as though I will be so limited and I cant help but crave cheese and chocolate?.. what to do?
Ive been wanting to read The kind diet but i've been putting it off.. Im unsure wy.. i think it's time i pick up that book. Let you know how it goes!
Ive been wanting to read The kind diet but i've been putting it off.. Im unsure wy.. i think it's time i pick up that book. Let you know how it goes!
Friday, August 20, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Ramadan Kareem
Ramadan is a time to get together with family, socialize, meditate, etc... but I want to use it as an opportunity to really experience Egypt. So I convinced my parents there is noway i can leave Cairo without experiencing Ramadan here.
So today is the first day of Ramadan, there are decorations up and something tells me people are going to be even more nice than they already are and definitely more hungrier, so would that mean grumpier instead? shoot- although that could just be part of my imagination. The clocks went back an hour last night which means that people can break their fast a little earlier in the evening. Im very confused by this because when i asked they said so people can break their fast earlier-it’s all just a mind game, no? we break our fasts according to sunset not a certain time. Anyway, just imagine Cairo’s heat, working outdoors, and fasting. My gosh, this has got to be the worst time of year to have Ramadan. As for me, i’m extremely fortunate to have A/C in the apartment, sleep until the late afternoon and wake up a couple hours before iftar. Ah the easy way out. For me, fasting today isn’t any more different than last week. it actually doesn’t make a huge amount of difference at all because I am so used to not really having food in the fridge and forced to eat once a day anyway. Alhamdulilah.
Unfortunately, many are forced to start their day very early in the morning, forced to work outdoors in Cairo's strong heat, to make just about enough money to feed their families. I feel a lot of sympathy for them. The construction workers, the garbage men, the taxi drivers,and the beggars. This is why I will be starting to packing up food for them. A couple of friends and I are going to gather during the weekends to pack up food and pass around for the poor. Inshallah.
So today is the first day of Ramadan, there are decorations up and something tells me people are going to be even more nice than they already are and definitely more hungrier, so would that mean grumpier instead? shoot- although that could just be part of my imagination. The clocks went back an hour last night which means that people can break their fast a little earlier in the evening. Im very confused by this because when i asked they said so people can break their fast earlier-it’s all just a mind game, no? we break our fasts according to sunset not a certain time. Anyway, just imagine Cairo’s heat, working outdoors, and fasting. My gosh, this has got to be the worst time of year to have Ramadan. As for me, i’m extremely fortunate to have A/C in the apartment, sleep until the late afternoon and wake up a couple hours before iftar. Ah the easy way out. For me, fasting today isn’t any more different than last week. it actually doesn’t make a huge amount of difference at all because I am so used to not really having food in the fridge and forced to eat once a day anyway. Alhamdulilah.
Unfortunately, many are forced to start their day very early in the morning, forced to work outdoors in Cairo's strong heat, to make just about enough money to feed their families. I feel a lot of sympathy for them. The construction workers, the garbage men, the taxi drivers,and the beggars. This is why I will be starting to packing up food for them. A couple of friends and I are going to gather during the weekends to pack up food and pass around for the poor. Inshallah.
GRAPES
At work, we didn't have much lunch options...As a matter of fact, we only had one option and it was Metro SuperMarket, ofcourse the most expensive supermarket in town. Anyway, one afternoon, i decided I will be having Grapes for lunch. I came across two kinds. One significantly cheaper than the other. They looked more like american grapes since they were HUGE and when I say HUGE i really mean H-U-G-E. They defenitely have all the chemicals in the world, but since im on a budget I had no choice but to buy the 6 L.E. Grapes. instead of the 11.l.e. Guess who was in bed later that evening sick to her stomach? You got it. ME!. Those grapes tore my stomach up. I must’ve not washed them right or something. Ah i wish i haden’t eaten them i thought. But comon it’s the summer. and thats when the grapes become available, as well as strawberries,
The best job an American can get in Cairo...... TEACHER!!
For countless Americans, nothing would be more thrilling than for the opportunity to live and be able to work abroad. Indeed, upon graduation, I had the opportunity to experience a new culture, travel, and simply learn and discover. My 7th month in, I was able to land a job abroad.
Teaching English offers us young wanders the opportunity to live the life we want. I got really lucky because this job came to me. I was recruited to be an English Teacher for a camp by YDC at Kattameya Heights. I had no idea what i was in for. The interview went something like this... Phone rings.. Caller ID says “Shaymaa” ME: Hey there! SHAYMAA: Hey rooj, what are you doing tomorrow? ME: mmm u know..absolutely nothing.. SHAYMAA : Ok meet me tomorrow at downtown at 7:15 am. Me: Ok?... Shaymaa: I have a job for u. Me: Perfect I’ll be there!.. Suddenly she passes the phone to a lady named, Mona, who by the way turns out to be an important lady working for the company, she tells me to meet her at a different location. The next morning, I do just that. 7:15 AM I am waiting for what i thought would be a yellow school bus to pick me up. 8:00am and no sign of a yellow school bus. I must've missed it I thought. 8:25, A white microbus pulls up and says hop in! I ride and mind you at this point I am still clueless as all hell. I am not sure how but somehow I knew I would be working in what would be considered a camp enviorment so i wore my Khakhis and a red tshirt. I go in and I introduce myself to the rest of the gang and get introduced to Mona, the executive director, who i spoke to earlier. After two hours, things are so hectic so the program manager, Ellen didn't get a chance to fill me in on everything except that days duty. I ended up teaching that same day. Completely unprepared, I had no choice but to ignore my stomach rumbles and acted like i knew what I was doing . Although i had no idea how to teach or how to even approach the kids I pretended to know. I was given the material and jumped right in and taught. My stomach continued to rumble but ignored. I was teaching 2 classes in one camp and 3 classes in another. The other camp program is called SMASH. The teacher before me ended up quitting because of the kids in that program. My kids were all very spoiled, loud and did not listen. It was the summer and I had 40 kids in some of my classes. Getting them to focus almost seemed impossible. Just imagine a bunch of 3-17 year old rich kids, who came into camp eating chocolate, for snack ate chocolate, after lunch ate chocolate and after camp ate chocolate. Sugar high 247. Unhealthy and hyper. Not a great mix while trying to teach and of course you cannot forbid them because god forbid these were rich kids who ruled over you! My gosh, I would love to be able to see how unhealthy these kids grow up to be. Egyptian culture is all about chocolate! Looking back, it was all very fun. Although, I shouldn’t have been so nervous I can understand why I was, since I had no prior experience I lacked belief and confidence.
Teaching English offers us young wanders the opportunity to live the life we want. I got really lucky because this job came to me. I was recruited to be an English Teacher for a camp by YDC at Kattameya Heights. I had no idea what i was in for. The interview went something like this... Phone rings.. Caller ID says “Shaymaa” ME: Hey there! SHAYMAA: Hey rooj, what are you doing tomorrow? ME: mmm u know..absolutely nothing.. SHAYMAA : Ok meet me tomorrow at downtown at 7:15 am. Me: Ok?... Shaymaa: I have a job for u. Me: Perfect I’ll be there!.. Suddenly she passes the phone to a lady named, Mona, who by the way turns out to be an important lady working for the company, she tells me to meet her at a different location. The next morning, I do just that. 7:15 AM I am waiting for what i thought would be a yellow school bus to pick me up. 8:00am and no sign of a yellow school bus. I must've missed it I thought. 8:25, A white microbus pulls up and says hop in! I ride and mind you at this point I am still clueless as all hell. I am not sure how but somehow I knew I would be working in what would be considered a camp enviorment so i wore my Khakhis and a red tshirt. I go in and I introduce myself to the rest of the gang and get introduced to Mona, the executive director, who i spoke to earlier. After two hours, things are so hectic so the program manager, Ellen didn't get a chance to fill me in on everything except that days duty. I ended up teaching that same day. Completely unprepared, I had no choice but to ignore my stomach rumbles and acted like i knew what I was doing . Although i had no idea how to teach or how to even approach the kids I pretended to know. I was given the material and jumped right in and taught. My stomach continued to rumble but ignored. I was teaching 2 classes in one camp and 3 classes in another. The other camp program is called SMASH. The teacher before me ended up quitting because of the kids in that program. My kids were all very spoiled, loud and did not listen. It was the summer and I had 40 kids in some of my classes. Getting them to focus almost seemed impossible. Just imagine a bunch of 3-17 year old rich kids, who came into camp eating chocolate, for snack ate chocolate, after lunch ate chocolate and after camp ate chocolate. Sugar high 247. Unhealthy and hyper. Not a great mix while trying to teach and of course you cannot forbid them because god forbid these were rich kids who ruled over you! My gosh, I would love to be able to see how unhealthy these kids grow up to be. Egyptian culture is all about chocolate! Looking back, it was all very fun. Although, I shouldn’t have been so nervous I can understand why I was, since I had no prior experience I lacked belief and confidence.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Paul Coelho... i love you.
Every day, God gives us, as well as the sun, a moment when it is possible to change anything that is causing us unhappiness. The magic moment is the moment when a "yes" or a "no" can change our whole existence. Every day, we try to pretend that we do not see that moment, that it does not exist, that today is the same as yesterday and that tomorrow will be the same too. However, anyone who pays close attention to his day will discover the magic moment… a moment in which all the strength of the stars flows through us and allows us to perform miracles."
(By Paulo Coelho, from "By the river Piedra I sat Down and Wept")
(By Paulo Coelho, from "By the river Piedra I sat Down and Wept")
wonderful world
sometimes this is how i feel .. Thank you James Morrison...
And I know that it's a wonderful world But i cant feel it right now,I thought I was doing well but I just want to cry now,Well I know that its a wonderful world from the sky down to the sea,but I can only see when you're here, here with me.Sometimes I feel so full that it just comes spilling out,it's uncomfortable to see I give it away so easily,but if I had someone I would do anything and never never never never let you feel aloneI wont, I wont leave u on your own,who am I to dream, dreams are for fools, they always let you down.Chorus:And I know that it's a wonderful worldBut I cant feel it right now,I thought i was doing well but I just want to cry now,Well I know that its a wonderful world
And I know that it's a wonderful world But i cant feel it right now,I thought I was doing well but I just want to cry now,Well I know that its a wonderful world from the sky down to the sea,but I can only see when you're here, here with me.Sometimes I feel so full that it just comes spilling out,it's uncomfortable to see I give it away so easily,but if I had someone I would do anything and never never never never let you feel aloneI wont, I wont leave u on your own,who am I to dream, dreams are for fools, they always let you down.Chorus:And I know that it's a wonderful worldBut I cant feel it right now,I thought i was doing well but I just want to cry now,Well I know that its a wonderful world
Thursday, June 17, 2010
scarlett johanson couldn't have said it any better..
I just have to come face-to-face with the fact that I am not gifted. You know, I can appreciate art and I love music, but...It's sad, really, because I feel like I have a lot to express and I am not gifted
a poem
Ferdinand Freiligrath, a beloved german poet.
O love, as long as love you can,
O love, as long as love you may,
The time will come, the time will come
When you will stand at the grave and mourn!
Be sure that your heart burns,
And holds and keeps love
As long as another heart beats warmly
With its love for you
And if someone bears his soul to you
Love him back as best you can
Give his every hour joy,
Let him pass none in sorrow!
And guard your words with care,
Lest harm flow from your lips!
Dear God, I meant no harm,
But the loved one recoils and mourns.
O love, love as long as you can!
O love, love as long as you may!
The time will come, the time will come,
When you will stand at the grave and mourn.
You will kneel alongside the grave
And your eyes will be sorrowful and moist,
—Never will you see the beloved again -
Only the churchyard’s tall, wet grass.
You will say: Look at me from below,
I who mourn here alongside your grave!
Forgive my slights!
Dear God, I meant no harm!
Yet the beloved does not see or hear you,
He lies beyond your comfort;
The lips you kissed so often speak
Not again: I forgave you long ago!
Indeed, he did forgive you,
But tears he would freely shed,
Over you and on your unthinking word -
Quiet now!—he rests, he has passed.
O love, love as long as you can!
O love, love as long as you may!
The time will come, the time will come,
When you will stand at the grave and mourn.
O love, as long as love you can,
O love, as long as love you may,
The time will come, the time will come
When you will stand at the grave and mourn!
Be sure that your heart burns,
And holds and keeps love
As long as another heart beats warmly
With its love for you
And if someone bears his soul to you
Love him back as best you can
Give his every hour joy,
Let him pass none in sorrow!
And guard your words with care,
Lest harm flow from your lips!
Dear God, I meant no harm,
But the loved one recoils and mourns.
O love, love as long as you can!
O love, love as long as you may!
The time will come, the time will come,
When you will stand at the grave and mourn.
You will kneel alongside the grave
And your eyes will be sorrowful and moist,
—Never will you see the beloved again -
Only the churchyard’s tall, wet grass.
You will say: Look at me from below,
I who mourn here alongside your grave!
Forgive my slights!
Dear God, I meant no harm!
Yet the beloved does not see or hear you,
He lies beyond your comfort;
The lips you kissed so often speak
Not again: I forgave you long ago!
Indeed, he did forgive you,
But tears he would freely shed,
Over you and on your unthinking word -
Quiet now!—he rests, he has passed.
O love, love as long as you can!
O love, love as long as you may!
The time will come, the time will come,
When you will stand at the grave and mourn.
"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.” - Oscar Wilde
"We settle into a routine, our safety blanket, and shut everything else out. Because of Fear. It is the strongest force that holds us back. We are afraid of the new, unusual, unknown. Because we cannot categorize or stereotype something we haven't experienced, it doesn't fit in our minds, so we push it away. We're afraid to make mistakes, of failing, or regretting our decisions later.
But what are mistakes anyway? And who has the right to judge?
Why do you think that even YOU have the right to decide what was a mistake and what wasn't? How do you know? You don't ever, ever see the Bigger Picture, of how something terrible could have set of a chain reaction that lead to something wonderful. You can only guess, regret, worry, etc. But what for? You can think of what could of, should of, would of happened, but in the end its simply a waste of precious time.
We make decisions. Every minute of every day. With these decisions we control the course of our lives.
Of course there must be both good and bad things, mistakes are unavoidable, but we must do the best we can, strive to be the best we can be. If we never try we will never succeed. If we always retreat we can never have victory.
So, what are you waiting for...?
What AM I waiting for?..
stopping me from achieving my dreams:
confidence: disbelief that I could be what i want to be
financial resources.
But what are mistakes anyway? And who has the right to judge?
Why do you think that even YOU have the right to decide what was a mistake and what wasn't? How do you know? You don't ever, ever see the Bigger Picture, of how something terrible could have set of a chain reaction that lead to something wonderful. You can only guess, regret, worry, etc. But what for? You can think of what could of, should of, would of happened, but in the end its simply a waste of precious time.
We make decisions. Every minute of every day. With these decisions we control the course of our lives.
Of course there must be both good and bad things, mistakes are unavoidable, but we must do the best we can, strive to be the best we can be. If we never try we will never succeed. If we always retreat we can never have victory.
So, what are you waiting for...?
What AM I waiting for?..
stopping me from achieving my dreams:
confidence: disbelief that I could be what i want to be
financial resources.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep
Ever since my arrival to Dubai. I've felt shitty and pretty homesick. But after 2 weeks of just feeling low and sad. I woke up again. It seems that life is always on the brink of being too much to handle; from juggling school and having multiple jobs while trying to squeeze in sleep to being unemployed. Everyone at some point in time learns that that is life. it is a struggle and thats why we call it life.
There are two ways I can approach this; embrace this new change in my life and let my life flow, or sit there worry, blame myself for nonsense, and feel sorry for myself.. knowing of course that there are other more important things going on in the world that are worthy of feeling sad for.
Today I was thinking about how overwhelming existence is. There is so much to be experienced. so many interesting places that I must see. Im still young. I have no responsibilities(except some small financial ones). I can make mistakes. I can mess up and do things all over again. Because im young. This is my time to do this. They tell you "do this while your still young" there must be a damn right good reason they say this.. shit. I'm hit by wonderlust yet again.
Just when I thought i've gotten over this idea of desire, ambition, and longing for so much more I'm stricken again. Bam! There’s something out there for me. something exciting.
I am sure many can relate to feeling so lost, confused, hopeless, experiencing a feeling of sadness and lonliness. sometimes not understanding what your brought out to do in this world, why you exist, why you feel the way you do, why you do the things you do, and i can go on and on, but I am not here to talk about that. but what got me started with this is because i've completely graduated that stage in my life. I never thought i would. For so long there was and sitll is this unfillfilling feeling this emptiness. But i view it differently.
I am here to say that I know I am neither lost or confused. I am also no longer worried about my future either because I know if I knew what my future has in hold for me my life would be oober boring!!!!
Let's be realistic here. I know there are places I will not get to see, people I will not get to meet, and most importantly, things i will not be able to try to let me learn about myself- but that doesn't go on to say that I won't learn from small things. from my walks, to my convos with friends, family and acquantiances.
Around every corner there are new adventures and new experiences to have. New lessons to learn. People to meet. The "old" me would have replied back with " there's not enough time". Screw time its just an illusion, right?
There are two ways I can approach this; embrace this new change in my life and let my life flow, or sit there worry, blame myself for nonsense, and feel sorry for myself.. knowing of course that there are other more important things going on in the world that are worthy of feeling sad for.
Today I was thinking about how overwhelming existence is. There is so much to be experienced. so many interesting places that I must see. Im still young. I have no responsibilities(except some small financial ones). I can make mistakes. I can mess up and do things all over again. Because im young. This is my time to do this. They tell you "do this while your still young" there must be a damn right good reason they say this.. shit. I'm hit by wonderlust yet again.
Just when I thought i've gotten over this idea of desire, ambition, and longing for so much more I'm stricken again. Bam! There’s something out there for me. something exciting.
I am sure many can relate to feeling so lost, confused, hopeless, experiencing a feeling of sadness and lonliness. sometimes not understanding what your brought out to do in this world, why you exist, why you feel the way you do, why you do the things you do, and i can go on and on, but I am not here to talk about that. but what got me started with this is because i've completely graduated that stage in my life. I never thought i would. For so long there was and sitll is this unfillfilling feeling this emptiness. But i view it differently.
I am here to say that I know I am neither lost or confused. I am also no longer worried about my future either because I know if I knew what my future has in hold for me my life would be oober boring!!!!
Let's be realistic here. I know there are places I will not get to see, people I will not get to meet, and most importantly, things i will not be able to try to let me learn about myself- but that doesn't go on to say that I won't learn from small things. from my walks, to my convos with friends, family and acquantiances.
Around every corner there are new adventures and new experiences to have. New lessons to learn. People to meet. The "old" me would have replied back with " there's not enough time". Screw time its just an illusion, right?
metro in sweden! pretty sweet
http://www.leenks.com/gallery1213.htm
unfortunately it is blocked in UAE! ha ha
unfortunately it is blocked in UAE! ha ha
music quotes
http://cimddwc.net/2007/08/14/musikalische-zitate/?langswitch_lang=en
MUSIC QUTOES That make me feel a whole lot of just about everything..
MUSIC QUTOES That make me feel a whole lot of just about everything..
Monday, February 8, 2010
life story in 6 words or less
my life in 6 words:
cultivating wonder on an empty road.
what's yours?
http://www.smithmag.net/sixwords/
cultivating wonder on an empty road.
what's yours?
http://www.smithmag.net/sixwords/
Confusion
I am trying my best to enjoy myself, it's so much harder said than done wallah. as for finances i havent spent a thing here yet money flies on dining out daily whether it be cheap breakfast or dinner..
So, I don't know what to do i know i need to enjoy my time here but deep down inside i can't. Mom's unhappiness and stress from one side and my unnecessary chaotic mind butchering me from another. I don't know what to do. I would be reading or doing some mind exercises if i could right now but i cant seem to to run anywhere to do that. I don't know what it is im searching for and/or asking for. I want to go somewhere far far away and just travel by myself i know it is not easy i will probably hate it but i know i need it. I need time away from everything and everyone i need time for myself to learn about something and to learn and figure out who I am. What holds me back are not only finances and responsibilites back in d.c. or even that my parents are most likely to resfure that idea but what really is holding me back is because i am straight up scared.
I was unhappy for a while and although i love love d.c. the thought of staying there confuses me. I get nervous because i keep associating it with far too many negative points in my life. nonetheless, i am not sure what i am seeking for from travel is it to gain independance or is that i am awaiting challenge and adventure to learn. i like to think i am indepdendent but I know i am far from being that at this time but would love to. i am still young and still have time to explore and learn from others who have learned so much. I know that travel provides a liberating feeling to me maybe because for a moment in my life i am away from reality i am lying to everyone around me including myself. Is ignoring lying? to me sometimes it feels that way. I think that is why I need to place myself out of my comfort zone but I am so scared to do so. I want to believe again. believe in myself, believe in life because with that comes strength happiness and courage.
I can't run away forever but sometimes I wish i could.. I want to run back to the states just because i want to be back in my bedroom by myself in my secure place.
So, I don't know what to do i know i need to enjoy my time here but deep down inside i can't. Mom's unhappiness and stress from one side and my unnecessary chaotic mind butchering me from another. I don't know what to do. I would be reading or doing some mind exercises if i could right now but i cant seem to to run anywhere to do that. I don't know what it is im searching for and/or asking for. I want to go somewhere far far away and just travel by myself i know it is not easy i will probably hate it but i know i need it. I need time away from everything and everyone i need time for myself to learn about something and to learn and figure out who I am. What holds me back are not only finances and responsibilites back in d.c. or even that my parents are most likely to resfure that idea but what really is holding me back is because i am straight up scared.
I was unhappy for a while and although i love love d.c. the thought of staying there confuses me. I get nervous because i keep associating it with far too many negative points in my life. nonetheless, i am not sure what i am seeking for from travel is it to gain independance or is that i am awaiting challenge and adventure to learn. i like to think i am indepdendent but I know i am far from being that at this time but would love to. i am still young and still have time to explore and learn from others who have learned so much. I know that travel provides a liberating feeling to me maybe because for a moment in my life i am away from reality i am lying to everyone around me including myself. Is ignoring lying? to me sometimes it feels that way. I think that is why I need to place myself out of my comfort zone but I am so scared to do so. I want to believe again. believe in myself, believe in life because with that comes strength happiness and courage.
I can't run away forever but sometimes I wish i could.. I want to run back to the states just because i want to be back in my bedroom by myself in my secure place.
cultivating ambition
Hey!
So it's January 20th and i am sitting in front of the computer, missing u guys and reminiscing the past month. The wedding was amazing. it was beautiful, fun, and exciting. the most fascinating thing was the fact that the wedding blossomed into a true family reunion! I was in Cairo for a month but half my time didn't count but i came across a perfect quote " you have not experienced Cairo well enough unless you have gotten sick" so the quote could not have said it any better. I experienced Cairo to the fullest!
I absolutely love Cairo and although my love for Cairo is based on just one experience( you can say it may be a bias one since i had friends and family constantly around especially during my last two weeks. ) i still think i would absolutely love it even if that wasn't the case it would just take a longer time for me to have realized. Cairo, Egypt is something else it's an amazing city that i've come to really love. it's full of life and full of culture. The constant tipping and begging is quite annoying but i am willing to see past it as the city gives me the greatest feeling, extreme joy. I would be willing to work in Egypt even if it means working two jobs just to make make ends meat. (food and nearby travel) i'd be willing to suck up a couple months at Nasr City since it would mean i would not have to pay rent.. might as well get some coffee shop experience somewhere? why not start there? ha ha. i really miss cairo. lebanon is great but not the same.
Beirut, Lebanon
So, today's my third day in Beirut and its been an interesting so far. Lebanon is great... i had a very different idea of what "Lebanon" is.. it's lifestyle and everything.. i had the stereotypical perception of how the people would be...high heels, full make up, dressed up 247, and completely snobby/rude.. but so far, my encounter with the Lebanese has been nothing like that. Instead, people are chill and are not as snobby as I had assumed. It's been raining thus far but i am definitely not letting it get the best of me rain or shine I'm out and about. however I'm not sure why I'm bothered I'm having lots of fun and everyone's been great but i have this huge tight feeling in the center of my chest and my legs are so heavy. But i am keeping positive as that would be really dumb of me. no time for that here! "dramatic" "brat" not sure.. hopefully neither.
I was given an opportunity to travel to Lebanon and i didn't pay the ticket of which i am extremely grateful for but i feel a sense of guilt and although i didn't pay the ticket to Cairo i don't feel as guilty since that ticket was because atiaf was getting married (i expected to have it paid for i know that's bad =/) but now i feel guilty I am feeling guilty for many reasons i am not sure why .. i HATE to sound like i am complaining because i am not.
It's onto the next...So let me begin with Sunday, mom and i arrived safely to Lebanon.. we came home relaxed and went out. Edrees, wiam, omar and I took a stroll in Safi village and Gamezzah we then ended up at abc mall where we enjoyed a Nescafe with some mezza at Laila cafe.. it was nice. i loved Safi village and Gamazah but especially Safi village with all the cute small boutiques.. and hamra for its many "hidden treasures"... Monday was supposedly the day mom had a dentist appt turned out it was not monday and Ama had scheduled it for Tuesday without realizing. So, Wiam, Omar and I took a tour of LAU and went and checked out the infamous Solidare a.k.a khaleejville. We ended up eating at Gemezzah at a place called Margarita. Afterwards, we met up with hala wiam and alaa2's friend at some coffee shop and grabbed crepes.. returned home and ended up staying up until 5 am.. an hour later, at 6am mom woke me up we, ama azizah, mom, wiam and me were all going to have breakfast @ this to place called Manara in Roucha.. While eating breakfast we watched the sunrise but because it was rainy it was hard to see the real "sunrise beauty".. it was nonetheless beautiful. We definitely took advantage of the photo opp's.. Afterwards we went to the popular mosque and burial of Harriri and visited the statue of where he was exactly assassinated. . we went on a car ride tour of the city and got fresh juices. we then rushed home since mom had her dentist appointment. Azizah originally told mom that it was on Monday, when Monday came we found out it was Tuesday.. however we then found out as soon as we were walking out of the house that her appointment is on Wed. now . Mom was furious because she feels that she needs to be back in the states for many reasons, (to be back with you guys for sure) and also other things im sure. On top of that mom was scared pops would be very annoyed from her and me too if he finds out we left and her actual appt is not until wed. So while mom was upset, i tried to lure her over with ideas on what we can be doing instead to get her mind of things.. i suggested we become productive and so mom, aziza, Horiah and I went to Moussa palace and Beit eddoun with the driver. i made sandwiches and mom made nescafe and went ahead with our day trip. we ate our sandwiches and sipped on our coffee of a cliff in Branamma mountains or something ? believe thats what it was. When we went into the museums and palaces, Horiah and azizah stayed in the car and mom and I toured and walked around.. after the palace and museum mom and I stood on the top of the mountain together not saying a word to one another (not for any reason ) it was liberating.
it was a great time i enjoyed it but this feeling continues to stay, a tight feeling that just won't go away. i smile and i laugh. I try not to be so hard on my self and i try not to be so out of it but i know i am being "fake" so i do not know what to do ? I believe perhaps this tight feeling is also making me begin to feel guilty... I question why I am on this trip and ask myself what is it exactly that i am doing ? i also feel that it is unfair i am in Beirut and not afiaa. Should she be here instead of me?.. I know i should appreciate that i am here but i dont think i should be. I am so privileged and so lucky for so reasons that i cannot even begin to list but this sense of worry and confusion is only giving my chaotic mind a difficulty of achieving what i want to achieve, rather it is making my whole body feel numb and tight. I feel guilty when i get those feelings because my subconscious mind keeps talking to me making me believe things that i know are distorted and need not to believe. i have been able to partake in many opportunities and i should be happy for how far i have come but i do not see that I have accomplished anything or feel like i deserve anything. i am embarrassed and should be held responsible. I am happy to say i am not sad and do not feel the need to be dependent on certain things. i am not sad or depressed and i am not putting myself down or beating myself up for it. I am also very thankful that my insomnia in Cairo was almost nonexistent..hamdilah and hopefully it will continue that way. I am working slowly on being comfortable .. i had no idea that i would be ending up in Lebanon i would not have guessed that if you asked me two months ago but i suppose this journey happened for a reason perhaps a portrayal of discovery ? It seems that my mind will always be chaotic, but i've found that we all have things we work on. That is mine.
After we came back from the mountains ama azizah ended up having to travel to Yemen. Thankfully, Amo Mohammed "permitted" her to go see her uncle before he dies. It all happened so fast. In twenty minutes or so we called the office, packed her stuff and headed to the airport. before we knew it she was off to Yemen! Afterwards, we took mom to meet up with Ama zainab for a coffee date at ABC mall it was so cute. We dropped mom off and went to this adorable cute cafe/lounge place called de prague. i liked it very much it had a tryst and baked and wired touch to it. Now, i am sitting, writing, missing you guys and awaiting for a challenge ahead, the discovery of the day, the unveiling facts behind mom's teeth and appreciating that although i've gone nowhere, understood nothing, i still can appreciate what I have been blessed with.
I feel distant from my sister and so i decided to do a recap of my trip and discuss what's going on with me.
I am so blessed and so lucky to have my sisters
So it's January 20th and i am sitting in front of the computer, missing u guys and reminiscing the past month. The wedding was amazing. it was beautiful, fun, and exciting. the most fascinating thing was the fact that the wedding blossomed into a true family reunion! I was in Cairo for a month but half my time didn't count but i came across a perfect quote " you have not experienced Cairo well enough unless you have gotten sick" so the quote could not have said it any better. I experienced Cairo to the fullest!
I absolutely love Cairo and although my love for Cairo is based on just one experience( you can say it may be a bias one since i had friends and family constantly around especially during my last two weeks. ) i still think i would absolutely love it even if that wasn't the case it would just take a longer time for me to have realized. Cairo, Egypt is something else it's an amazing city that i've come to really love. it's full of life and full of culture. The constant tipping and begging is quite annoying but i am willing to see past it as the city gives me the greatest feeling, extreme joy. I would be willing to work in Egypt even if it means working two jobs just to make make ends meat. (food and nearby travel) i'd be willing to suck up a couple months at Nasr City since it would mean i would not have to pay rent.. might as well get some coffee shop experience somewhere? why not start there? ha ha. i really miss cairo. lebanon is great but not the same.
Beirut, Lebanon
So, today's my third day in Beirut and its been an interesting so far. Lebanon is great... i had a very different idea of what "Lebanon" is.. it's lifestyle and everything.. i had the stereotypical perception of how the people would be...high heels, full make up, dressed up 247, and completely snobby/rude.. but so far, my encounter with the Lebanese has been nothing like that. Instead, people are chill and are not as snobby as I had assumed. It's been raining thus far but i am definitely not letting it get the best of me rain or shine I'm out and about. however I'm not sure why I'm bothered I'm having lots of fun and everyone's been great but i have this huge tight feeling in the center of my chest and my legs are so heavy. But i am keeping positive as that would be really dumb of me. no time for that here! "dramatic" "brat" not sure.. hopefully neither.
I was given an opportunity to travel to Lebanon and i didn't pay the ticket of which i am extremely grateful for but i feel a sense of guilt and although i didn't pay the ticket to Cairo i don't feel as guilty since that ticket was because atiaf was getting married (i expected to have it paid for i know that's bad =/) but now i feel guilty I am feeling guilty for many reasons i am not sure why .. i HATE to sound like i am complaining because i am not.
It's onto the next...So let me begin with Sunday, mom and i arrived safely to Lebanon.. we came home relaxed and went out. Edrees, wiam, omar and I took a stroll in Safi village and Gamezzah we then ended up at abc mall where we enjoyed a Nescafe with some mezza at Laila cafe.. it was nice. i loved Safi village and Gamazah but especially Safi village with all the cute small boutiques.. and hamra for its many "hidden treasures"... Monday was supposedly the day mom had a dentist appt turned out it was not monday and Ama had scheduled it for Tuesday without realizing. So, Wiam, Omar and I took a tour of LAU and went and checked out the infamous Solidare a.k.a khaleejville. We ended up eating at Gemezzah at a place called Margarita. Afterwards, we met up with hala wiam and alaa2's friend at some coffee shop and grabbed crepes.. returned home and ended up staying up until 5 am.. an hour later, at 6am mom woke me up we, ama azizah, mom, wiam and me were all going to have breakfast @ this to place called Manara in Roucha.. While eating breakfast we watched the sunrise but because it was rainy it was hard to see the real "sunrise beauty".. it was nonetheless beautiful. We definitely took advantage of the photo opp's.. Afterwards we went to the popular mosque and burial of Harriri and visited the statue of where he was exactly assassinated. . we went on a car ride tour of the city and got fresh juices. we then rushed home since mom had her dentist appointment. Azizah originally told mom that it was on Monday, when Monday came we found out it was Tuesday.. however we then found out as soon as we were walking out of the house that her appointment is on Wed. now . Mom was furious because she feels that she needs to be back in the states for many reasons, (to be back with you guys for sure) and also other things im sure. On top of that mom was scared pops would be very annoyed from her and me too if he finds out we left and her actual appt is not until wed. So while mom was upset, i tried to lure her over with ideas on what we can be doing instead to get her mind of things.. i suggested we become productive and so mom, aziza, Horiah and I went to Moussa palace and Beit eddoun with the driver. i made sandwiches and mom made nescafe and went ahead with our day trip. we ate our sandwiches and sipped on our coffee of a cliff in Branamma mountains or something ? believe thats what it was. When we went into the museums and palaces, Horiah and azizah stayed in the car and mom and I toured and walked around.. after the palace and museum mom and I stood on the top of the mountain together not saying a word to one another (not for any reason ) it was liberating.
it was a great time i enjoyed it but this feeling continues to stay, a tight feeling that just won't go away. i smile and i laugh. I try not to be so hard on my self and i try not to be so out of it but i know i am being "fake" so i do not know what to do ? I believe perhaps this tight feeling is also making me begin to feel guilty... I question why I am on this trip and ask myself what is it exactly that i am doing ? i also feel that it is unfair i am in Beirut and not afiaa. Should she be here instead of me?.. I know i should appreciate that i am here but i dont think i should be. I am so privileged and so lucky for so reasons that i cannot even begin to list but this sense of worry and confusion is only giving my chaotic mind a difficulty of achieving what i want to achieve, rather it is making my whole body feel numb and tight. I feel guilty when i get those feelings because my subconscious mind keeps talking to me making me believe things that i know are distorted and need not to believe. i have been able to partake in many opportunities and i should be happy for how far i have come but i do not see that I have accomplished anything or feel like i deserve anything. i am embarrassed and should be held responsible. I am happy to say i am not sad and do not feel the need to be dependent on certain things. i am not sad or depressed and i am not putting myself down or beating myself up for it. I am also very thankful that my insomnia in Cairo was almost nonexistent..hamdilah and hopefully it will continue that way. I am working slowly on being comfortable .. i had no idea that i would be ending up in Lebanon i would not have guessed that if you asked me two months ago but i suppose this journey happened for a reason perhaps a portrayal of discovery ? It seems that my mind will always be chaotic, but i've found that we all have things we work on. That is mine.
After we came back from the mountains ama azizah ended up having to travel to Yemen. Thankfully, Amo Mohammed "permitted" her to go see her uncle before he dies. It all happened so fast. In twenty minutes or so we called the office, packed her stuff and headed to the airport. before we knew it she was off to Yemen! Afterwards, we took mom to meet up with Ama zainab for a coffee date at ABC mall it was so cute. We dropped mom off and went to this adorable cute cafe/lounge place called de prague. i liked it very much it had a tryst and baked and wired touch to it. Now, i am sitting, writing, missing you guys and awaiting for a challenge ahead, the discovery of the day, the unveiling facts behind mom's teeth and appreciating that although i've gone nowhere, understood nothing, i still can appreciate what I have been blessed with.
I feel distant from my sister and so i decided to do a recap of my trip and discuss what's going on with me.
I am so blessed and so lucky to have my sisters
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